im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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