Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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