Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
