Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize