Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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