I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
