is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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