so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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