its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
