is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
