I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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