my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
