I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
