Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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