I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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