Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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