My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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