Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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