Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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