so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
