Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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