So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you inspire me to be a worse person
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
