and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
