he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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