i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize