Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
