we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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