I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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