id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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