I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
