You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
