You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
