naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
