just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
