It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
