Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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