He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you had me at cake vodka
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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