when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
