She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
