i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
