I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize