I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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