They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just want nice things and good sex
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
