I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
