my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
