everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
