And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
