He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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