grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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