The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
