I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
