So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
