did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
