we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
