i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
