Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
