I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize