They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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