Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
