Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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