Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
