Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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