im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There's always time for handjobs
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
