so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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