your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
