So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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