it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
