this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
