I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
