If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
