in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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