Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
