Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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