Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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