We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
