Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
