I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
