we have officially lost it.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
