dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
