i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
