My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
