So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
