Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just forgot I was standing up.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
