I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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