All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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