I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize