there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
