When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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