piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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