I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
