i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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