you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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