After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
