We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
