She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
