Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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