Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
