got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize