Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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