I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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