Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
