She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
