she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
