soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
