My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
