just tell him i said nine months
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
