My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
