I hate your face
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
