seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
